Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
