escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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