Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize