This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize