I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
