He kissed a someone with a penis
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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