I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize