we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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