I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
