My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
