Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
