I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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