ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize