It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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