I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
