At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You pole danced in your parka.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
