If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
