i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
