Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
