Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
