Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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