I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
This girl is more easily done than said...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
