The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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