I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I looked at my own cervix.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
