Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
