u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He keeps bees of course he's weird
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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