This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
