SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
