I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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