You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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