Pregnant stripper...not hot.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
