I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
