I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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