I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
