Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
