Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
