I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
