Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
