I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize