just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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