I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
