You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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