Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
