I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
