think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Of course I have a pirate flag
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I got inside last night via doggy door
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize