If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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