i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
this will be a night to untag.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
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