I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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