hotel room ftw
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
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