I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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