By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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