i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i came on her dog
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
