I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
