just come out here and I will go home with you...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
