Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
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