My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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