I think I am morally bankrupt
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize