My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
