theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
