P.S. I can't hear my feet
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
