if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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