So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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