well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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