My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
