the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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