I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just want to make out with him forever
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
