I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize