yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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