i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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