I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
