I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
