I got chris browned last night
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
