I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize