Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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