guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
