I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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