We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize