The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
